Why I’m a Bad Parent… Or Am I?

Bad parent

That’s right… a bad parent.

  • According to the attachment parenting theory, I’m a bad parent – I didn’t let the kids co-sleep, occasionally let them “cry it out”, and encouraged them to follow a feeding schedule sooner rather than later.
  • According to the authoritative parenting theory, I’m also failing – I let my kids express their feelings and desires way too much.
  • According to permissive parenting, I’m too strict. You know, my husband and I set the rules and expectations in our household and uphold them, unless we think there’s a good reason for an exception.

And the list goes on. You pick the parenting style, and I guarantee you my husband and I aren’t following it correctly.

Luckily, though, our kids don’t critique us by the books or articles. They haven’t read them yet, and won’t for at least another 20 years. Phew. We’re safe. According to our little darlings, we’re great parents – our kids are happy, healthy, fulfilled and developing wonderfully.

 001

Remember – “the book” (whatever book or article you’ve been reading) isn’t about a real baby. It’s about an abstract conglomeration of the “average” baby. No baby is actually the “average” baby. If you read books and articles, take what makes sense and put aside what doesn’t seem right for your child. The book doesn’t know your child – you do.

 1010919_10151551647590592_134604413_n

I love some of the techniques I’ve found through articles on parenting. I’ve never found a theory I agree with 100%. I rely on my maternal instinct. I trust it – God gave it to me for a reason.  I care for my kids. I try to be attentive to their needs and respond to them. I communicate with them. Above all, I love them.

 Love-them!

When you truly love your kids, you can’t go that far off, regardless of whether you breast or bottle feed, co-sleep or not.  Deep down, you know whether your child feels loved.  The child that is loved smiles. The child that is loved laughs. The child that is loved explores and communicates. The child that is loved, loves back. If you have a happy, laughing, loving child, which I’m sure you do, you are a GREAT parent. Regardless of whether your child breastfed or bottle fed, co-slept or had his own crib, and followed a schedule or not.

Smiling Kids!

10 thoughts on “Why I’m a Bad Parent… Or Am I?

  1. hey.. according to this supposedly attached parenting staff writer, moi, YOU ARE AN “ATTACHED”MUM. You are intuitive, you listen to you little ones cues rather than impossing a rigid set of expectations, you play with them, delight in them BUT MOST of all YOU ARE PRESENT, at home and PRAYING. Thismeans that a supernatural love heals all of our “mistakes>

      • a Catholic Psychiatrist once told me that 90% of the benefit to a child is when a mum is HOME. She can be downright witchy but if there is stability, a foundation and faith, 90% of any mental health isuues are eliminated

        • I’m actually not home all the time – I work for the Church, doing curriculum development work for a local Catholic school (the first one started here!), but, considering that it is for the Church, I did it on the condition that the kids could stay with my husband and I when we go it (e.g. don’t have to go to a nursery, leave us, be with a baby sitter, etc.). But we try to preserve the stability factor as much as possible. I do spend a lot of time with them at home, and know exactly what to expect when we do the “school routine”…

          • my mistake,, IF a PARENT is HOME and your situation is even better than a traditional “Dad goes to work from 8am-6pm because boys thrive in a father’s presence; they crave the masculine interaction

          • Yes – now that you bring it up from that perspective, you remind me of different discussions my husband and I have had over how the boys benefit from having so much of BOTH of us… We considered it carefully at the beginning, because when we got married, I was pretty much just assuming I would be a full-time stay-at-home mom, but then when I really felt called to continue contributing in the field of education, and with the Church asking us to come here to Iraq to help with it, we decided that it was God leading us, and that the kids would benefit just as much, even if they didn’t have me alone full-time, because we would both be able to do our work, but at the same time, they would be seeing both of us so much… And I can tell that it really has brought them very close to both of us and helped them develop a very healthy respect and admiration for Eddy as a paternal role model…

          • I am smiling..talking about traditional societies, Dad was home as a shepherd, farmer, fisherman mending nets, carpentar with a cottage industry..so God effectively brought you to a traditional communtiy, where extended families are the norm and father is part of their lives.. say hello to the Mady style of people-community-father attachment theory

          • Thanks, Melanie. You’re so encouraging! And God really has blessed us very much…

            I love being connected to you through our blogs!

Leave a Reply