A family seeking God in their life journey

We had a wonderful Mother’s Day here at the Mady household, and I hope all others did as well. We enjoyed spending time as a family together with my parents, having our Mother’s Day cake, and exchanging simple gifts – I hope to get a post up later about the gifts I made for my mom – they turned out well, and could work for other occasions too. The best part of the day, though, was looking into the eyes of our little ones and holding them tight, thinking back over the last couple of years, remembering the first moment I held each of them in my arms, and cherishing all the smiles, tears, laughter, and exhaustion that have happened since.

I’ve treasured every moment I’ve been a mother, and look forward to many more to come. There is a certain love that only a mother can have for a child. Only the mother can give herself completely to the child before the child is born. Only a mother can experience an intensity of love born in the pain and self-giving of childbirth. Unlike future friends, relatives and spouses, who discover a person’s personality and beauty and fall in love with it, a mother falls in love with the child first, and then watches the child discover themselves.

Watching a child grow up is a beautiful experience. We have the joy of loving them from the beginning, when we see them in all the perfection God created them – innocent, pure, love, radiant… every newborn is the perfect child. Then, as the mischievous toddler begins to emerge, full of fun and creativity, but also selfish and challenging, we are not blind to our children’s weaknesses, but it doesn’t change our love for them. We love the goodness we know is in their hearts, and we embrace our lifelong mission as mothers to help them discover and bring out the goodness in themselves, and help them learn how to deal with the more difficult parts of themselves and others. As mothers, we have the special privilege of watching, and helping, God create his masterpiece, stroke by stroke. We lend ourselves to the process of giving life. We then become the means through which God gives our children opportunities to discover and develop themselves. We watch as these children discover the wonderful gift of reason and delight themselves by using it to exploring reality. We watch them find and question the limits of reason, discover where faith plays a role, experiment with manipulation of reason and dishonesty, and grow in the maturity needed to live life honestly and responsibly, from within. We watch them learn about the world around them, sometimes through observation, sometimes by listening to us, and other times by testing something that seems like a good idea at the time (like writing on the floor or sticking a pretzel stick up their nose), experiencing consequences and deciding not to repeat the said behavior… We see the little wheels turning in their head as they learn the basics of how things work… We hear their laughter and experience again, through them, the joy in the simple things in life, like rolling a ball, hiding behind curtains, playing with water in the sink, reading stories and singing songs. All of these things sound so ordinary, but mothers know they are extraordinary. It’s these little every day moments that shape our children into the people they become, filling them with self-confidence, joy and love of life. These moments teach them natural limits and help them discover the humor in life; these moments help them discover the beauty in the world around them, and most bring out their inner beauty.

I wouldn’t trade my experience of being a mother with anything. I wouldn’t give up holding little hands, wiping little mouths, kissing little cheeks or drying little tears for anything. Mother’s Day only comes once a year, but the joy and gift of being a mother is year round. Saying a prayer for all mothers today, hoping they had a wonderful day, but, more importantly, hoping that they have a wonderful life with their families, full of love, laughter and learning. Happy Mother’s Day to all!

Looking forward to many more grandparent appreciation nights (and days) in the future, and thanking God for Charbel and Paul’s two wonderful sets of grandparents…

Charbel and Paul have the best grandparents little boys could ask for on both sides of the family. My parents, though, live a little bit closer than Eddy’s (i.e. 5 minutes by car vs. 1 ½ hours by plane!), so the boys get to see them all the time, and my parents turn into superhero grandparents whenever Eddy and I are sick and overwhelmed, or just need a break for a little while to catch up on errands or on sleep. They are the best babysitters one could ask for – the kids always come back happy and exhausted, and tell us in their baby babble (which, for Charbel, is now quite understandable!) about what they did – usually flying kites, playing in the park, going to the playground, accompanying my parents on a shopping trip or playing in the kiddie pool in my parent’s front yard. Christmas and birthdays are twice as fun because Charbel and Paul usually go with my parents when they pick out their gifts, and come home with gifts much more elaborate than mommy and daddy expected, like a rocking horse or outdoor slide! They are happiest, though, because of all the extra laughs and cuddles they get when they’re with grandma and grandpa.

With Charbel already 2 and Paul over a year, it was high time to have a grandparent appreciation activity. Next year we’ll probably have a grandparents’ day, with Charbel old enough to get excited about it and help plan something. This year, Eddy and I decided to have my parents over play virtual sports with us on the X-Box Kinect, and have a special dinner. Paul was already in bed, but Charbel was allowed to stay up later than usual to partake in the fun – he got quite a kick out of watching us playing with the X-Box, and even joined in!

Charbel-X-Box

After Charbel went to bed, we relaxed with an “adult” dinner – a meal that the four of us could enjoy together, without any of us needing to feed the kids at the same time or jump up to take care of them… The setting was informal, but I’d chosen some special recipes for the occasion – lemon-basil-garlic marinate chicken, seasoned baked potatoes, and apple crisp!

There are plenty of lemon-garlic chicken recipes and baked potato recipes, but I’ve come up with my own proportions/ingredients that we like best.

Lemon-Garlic-ChickenFor the chicken: 1:1 ratio of lemon juice and olive oil (1/2 cup of each is enough for about 4 large or 6 medium chicken breasts) mixed with minced garlic (I use about 1 clove per breast), with about ¼ cup fresh minced basil or a few sprinkles of dried basil. I like to marinate the chicken the night before so the flavor soaks in more, but the recipe works well even if you just rub the marinade into the chicken shortly before cooking. Baste chicken two or three times as it bakes; if the pan gets too dry, I add a little chicken bouillon just to cover the bottom. This keeps the chicken juicier, enhances the flavor, and makes it easier to clean the pan afterwards!

 

Bakes-PotatoesFor the baked potatoes: Boil the potatoes, skin on, until soft. Cut in half or large slices and place in an 8 ½ X 11” pan, covered in foil. Slightly mash potatoes, still in skin. Drizzle with olive oil and then sprinkle 1 tsp of garlic powder and 1 tsp of sweet paprika over the potatoes. An additional tsp of onion powder also works well. For a tangier flavor, drizzle a little steak sauce on as well. Bake for about 20 minutes or until crispy on top.

For the apple crisp: I didn’t have my own apple crisp recipe, so I found one over at TasteofHome that was both easy and delicious – definitely a keeper! I added one final step not mentioned in the directions: I drizzled the crisp with homemade caramel sauce right as it came out of the oven – the perfect complement for an apple dessert!

Apple-Crisp

Looking forward to many more grandparent appreciation nights (and days) in the future, and thanking God for Charbel and Paul’s two wonderful sets of grandparents!

Every time I open my computer and go online, I find countless articles, blogs and Facebook comments questioning the Catholic Church about something. Maybe it’s mainstream media challenging the Church about its moral position regarding homosexuality, contraception or abortion. Maybe it’s Catholics pushing for the Church to change its stance toward women and the priesthood or homosexual marriage. Recently, Pope Francis has come under the spotlight a lot too, with both Catholics and non-Catholics speculating about what the new pope might “change” about Catholicism, and comparing whether his first actions as pope with the customs of the popes that preceded him. Since many of these topics are likely to keep coming up, I’d like to bring up a few aspects of the Catholic Church that are often forgotten, or misunderstood.

The Catholic Church upholds the truth; she doesn’t create it. Yes, the Church has dogma – different moral and theological teachings that do not change because they are seen as objective truth. The Church does not have the ability to create truth, but to affirm it, point to it and uphold it. When the Church promulgates a dogma about theological truth, such as the Immaculate Conception for example, the belief doesn’t become true because the Church said so; the Church elevates the belief to the level of dogma because the Church is completely confident, based on a combination of Scripture, Tradition, divine law, and/or natural law that it is true. The same is true of morality; an action doesn’t become wrong because the Church declares it to be a moral evil. The Church declares an action to be a moral evil only when it is absolutely confident that the action is, in fact, intrinsically evil, going against the order God established for creation in one way or another. The Catholic Church is not a dictator, wielding a heavy hand of arbitrary power; she is a guide, carefully protecting, safeguarding and illuminating the truth.

The Church is a Divine and human institution. I think the best way to understand this is in light of the words Jesus spoke to Peter in Mt. 16:18: “And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

Upon this rock I will build my church. This statement establishes the inseparable connection between the human and divine in the Church. It is JESUS’ Church, founded by the Lord himself; in this way, it is a Divine Institution. However, the Lord chose a flawed human being as the “rock” upon which he built his Church. As a result, the Church will be tied to human weakness. Yes, it is disappointing when people within the Church, including priests, bishops and even popes, fail and demonstrate human sinfulness, but that doesn’t change the nature of the Church, nor its identity as the sacrament of salvation. Jesus himself chose to work through man in spite of, or perhaps because of, his sinfulness. God’s ability to bring good out of evil and carry out his plan even when men, and men within the Church sin or demonstrate weakness, shows God’s power ever more clearly.

The gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it. Here, after communicating his decision to found his Church with the help of man, God promises to protect its Church. Aware of man’s sinful nature and ability to choose evil over good, God affirms that, nevertheless, evil will not triumph. He doesn’t say evil won’t triumph because good things will continue outside of the Church he founds; he says that evil will not prevail against the Church. This reminds me of the parable of the weeds and the wheat; even in the Church there is a combination of good and evil, weeds and wheat. Much as we try, we will never be able to purify the weeds without ruining good wheat along with it. The Lord, on the last day, will separate the weeds from the wheat, but, in the meantime, we have his guarantee that even though evil attacks the Church, sometimes from within as well as from without, it will not prevail. We need to continue working on purifying the Church, beginning with purifying our own hearts, because the Church is called to represent God’s love, Word and plan to mankind. The perfect Church we sometimes wish for however – a Church free of all sin and scandal, will not occur, and is not what God intended, given that he freely chose to incorporate sinful humanity as an essential element of his Church and even as the head of his Church on earth. Remember that just minutes after calling Peter the “rock” of his Church, Jesus said to him, “Get behind me, Satan. You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.” The original word translated as “obstacle” actually referred to another type of rock, a stumbling stone. In the same conversation, Jesus thus called Peter a “rock” in two different senses, first establishing him as the foundational stone of the Church, and then, shortly afterwards, calling him a stumbling stone. Jesus was well aware that the instrument he chose to lead his Church could also get in the way, but that didn’t stop him from working with and through him. We should not look for a perfect Church, and should not be surprised when scandal rears its ugly head even from within, but should remember that Jesus was aware of this and chose to establish the Church with an intrinsically human dimension, affirming at the same time that evil will not prevail against the Church. Just as Peter, even after denying Christ, would turn and strengthen his brethren, so the Church, even after internal scandals, will move forward, strengthening humanity. I am not saying it is OK for Catholics, including priests or bishops to abuse others or commit any other sort of sin, or cover up for their sins; I am just saying that we shouldn’t be surprised when sinfulness surfaces within the Church, and the sins of individuals within the Church isn’t a reason to leave the Church, because the promises God attached to the Church, and the divine dimension of the Church are not contingent upon the men guiding the Church being perfect; they are contingent upon God’s own perfection, and he will not abandon the Church he promised to remain with until the end of time.

Whatever you hold bound on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you hold loosed on earth shall be loosed in heaven. With these words, Jesus is transferring a certain authority to Peter, head of his Church, promising Peter that the decisions made on this earth will be respected in heaven. When Jesus said this, the concept of the authority to bind and loose was not new; it had clear precedence on the Old Testament and Hebrew theology. In Hebrew theology, the power to bind and loose was understood as a divinely authorized legal authority bestowed upon a spiritual leader to prohibit or permit and excommunicate or reinstate. Jesus transferred this authority to Peter, the first head of the Church. The Catholic Church did not make up its own interpretation of this verse, but held to the definition of binding and loosing already established from Hebrew theology and Old Testament usage. An exegetical study of the terms used (asar and shera), not only by Christian sources, but by Jewish ones as well, clearly show that this phrase is not able to be interpreted in a variety of manners; it had a clearly established meaning. The concept of papal infallibility and the Church’s right to excommunicate members are part of this concept of binding and loosing. This phrase was directed directly to Peter and then passed on to his successors (the theology of papal succession is a different topic that cannot be addressed at length here). Again, we see the intrinsic link between the divine and the human in the Church; Jesus has divine authority, and has invested that authority on a human being.

*Note: While the concept of binding and loosing also includes the ability to forgive sins, in this sense, that ability was given only to Peter; granted, Peter then had the ability to exercise some of his authority through priests, but the sacramental ability of all priests to forgive sins through the sacrament of confession can be traced more explicitly to Jn 20:23, when Jesus, speaking to the group of disciples, said, “Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.”

The Catholic Church condemns no one. The Church will not waver from her teachings, but her teachings do not make her bigoted, discriminatory or hateful, any more than Jesus was bigoted, discriminatory or hateful as he unveiled and abided by the truth even when it meant going against the grain and risking persecution even unto death. The Church respects individual freedom, and forces no one to share her beliefs, partake in her sacraments, or follow her moral teachings. Respect does not necessarily imply agreement. I can disagree with my spouse, my parents, my siblings or my friends over multiple issues without lessening the respect or love I have for them. The same is true of the Church; it can, and will disagree with societies, individuals or institutions that differ from what it firmly believes to be the truth, but this does not lessen its ability to respect or love each individual, regardless of their personal decisions and beliefs. Judgment, however, refers to establishing the guilt of individuals; this is left for God. Not every person that commits a moral evil will be condemned for it; the Church clearly teachers that guilt depends on not only the action, but also on the person’s knowledge and intention. Only God knows the heart, and therefore only God, with full knowledge of the individual’s mind, intention and actions can judge. The Church will continue, however, to uphold its own policies regarding who may or may not receive communion or call themselves a member of the Catholic Church. Receiving communion demonstrates full union with the Church. Someone that publicly expressed lack of agreement with the Church on matters of dogma, whether pertaining to morals or beliefs, is requested not to partake in communion, which would be misleading.  Serious, public and persistent actions outside of the Church’s moral or theological teachings can lead to excommunication, a step the Church takes to clearly indicate that the said party is not reflecting the Church and differs from the Church in such grave matters that the person may not call themselves Catholic. Even in cases of excommunication, the Church is not judging or condemning the person’s soul; that is left to God who alone knows the person’s heart and intentions.

Truth is not determined by numbers. Repeating something over and over may sway public opinion, but it doesn’t make it true… Centuries ago, popular opinion held that the world was round, but that didn’t make it true. Popular opinion cannot change reality. Popular opinion can affect reputation, change culture and influence laws, but it can’t change basic truths. It would be very convenient if we could make things true by just thinking them over and over or saying them over and over, but we can’t. We might convince ourselves that it is true and we might convince others that it is true, but no number of people saying something is true can actually change reality. This is, perhaps, one of the weaknesses of democracy; if democracy is not founded on any absolute principles, then things that are not true can be repeated over and over again until enough people believe in them to act upon them, even though the underlying truth remains the same. The Catholic Church is aware of this, and does not allow her teachings to be changed when a new majority forms, because the Church is certain that her truths are unchanging ones, regardless of how many people believe them and how many people don’t. The Church will go to great lengths, pastorally, to reach out to society as it changes, and will keep reaching out no matter what happens, but it will not change its teachings because it believes that God is the ultimate truth and that he created the world with a certain nature and truth within it, and that truth must be preserved; since God is the author of truth, no number of men can change the truth no matter how hard they try.

The Church is neither ahead of the times, nor behind the times; it transcends time.  Morality and truth are not subjective, changing realities. I’ve often heard the argument that the Church should change its moral teachings regarding contraception and homosexuality because these are issues facing society now that didn’t previously face society; the Church needs to adapt to keep up with the times and 21st century needs. This is a convenient, but false statement. Natural law, or the way God intended the world, and every element within it to behave and function doesn’t change with time, because it is part of our nature, implying that it is essential to our being, not an accidental element that can be changed one way or another. Furthermore, a glance at history shows that homosexuality and abortion were alive and well in the ancient Roman Empire. Jesus and his immediate followers did not live in a society immune from these issues. Nevertheless, Jesus clearly established a moral law prohibiting these behaviors. The early Christians were persecuted for their moral standards in ancient Rome, but they continued to abide by Divine and natural law. These moral issues are not new to the Church; they are not a new development that the Church has to adapt to; they are age old issues, and the Church’s morality has been firm regarding these matters from the beginning. If they did not arise sooner in this society, it is not because they are “new” developments helping humanity progress forward; it is because western cultures were initially founded on Christian principles, and therefore refrained from allowing actions held to be immoral by the teachings of the Church. The Church will continue to uphold the truth she has taught for ages, and will continue to abide by its moral law. It acknowledges individual freedom and therefore, forces no one to be part of the Church and follow its norms. Unfortunately, the Church doesn’t always receive the same respect in return. Many individuals and social action groups are not content with the fact that their freedom is respected; they are pushing for the Church to sanction their actions. This is something the Church cannot do if it is to remain true to its identity; it cannot change its beliefs to please society, because it does not exist to please society, but to uphold eternal truths, ultimately, the truth of salvation.

The Church is neither conservative nor liberal; it’s Catholic. The Church doesn’t govern its actions based on what has “always” been done, nor on the desire to change what has “always” been done. The Church governs its practices on the basis of moral and theological beliefs and principles. Current social and political divides draw lines based on conservatism vs. liberalism. The Church doesn’t fit into this mold, and this is one of the reasons why the Church never endorses a particular political party. The Church examines each platform and proposal on the basis of morality and the common good. It cans support certain efforts raised by one political party without agreeing with that party about everything, and vice versa. These dividing lines have sometimes been applied by Catholics themselves, who call themselves either “conservative” or “liberal” Catholics. Neither view is “more Catholic” than the other, because the Church isn’t conservative or liberal, but Catholic. There are times when the teachings of the Church will scandalize the conservatives by breaking with a given custom, and other times when they will aggravate the liberals by withstanding popular pressure to change various practices and teachings. The best way to understand the Church is by getting rid of the conservative/liberal labels and examining each action and teaching in light of its “Catholicity” – e.g. the extent to which it complies with Catholic teachings based on Scripture, Tradition and Magisterium.

The Church stands for equality: true equality.

We need to distinguish between equality and sameness. Briefly, in the eyes of the Church, all people are equal and must be treated equally. All people are equally children of God. We are equal in freedom, equal in dignity, and equal in love. We are all equally deserving of respect. We are equal. But we are not all the same. This can be seen even on the physical level. Men and women are different, even bodily speaking. People are different – some are tall and some are short; some have brown hair and some have red. None of these attributes mitigates equality, because equality resides in our dignity and nature, not these accidentals. On a deeper level different people have different qualities, different talents, and different interests. The Church fully recognizes equality; it does not however, believe that for equality to be obtained, all things must be the same; in fact, it is well aware that this is impossible. You cannot take something and make it the same as something it is not.

We are created equal but not born equal. The Church is also well aware of the toll of original sin. Pain and suffering, and many conditions in life are the result of original sin. Take the example of someone with a handicap; they were created equal and are still equal in terms of love, respect and dignity. Clearly, however, they have not been born “equal” to others in terms of their capacities. In these cases, the Church emphasizes the importance of equality even more, pointing to the suffering that comes as a result of original sin as a way for humanity to unite itself more to the cross of Jesus, but also stressing the importance of remembering the dignity of every human being and treating them with equal dignity, respect and love.

Jesus was countercultural. There were many times when Jesus had to go against the grain in society in order to uphold the truth, and he wasn’t afraid of doing so, even when he was crucified for it. The disciples and early Christians were also scoffed at and persecuted, even unto death, for their beliefs. If western society has, for a period of time, been favorable and supportive of Christian beliefs, it is something to be thankful for, but Christians should not be surprised when they start meeting resistance, scorn and persecution because their beliefs are now countercultural.

I hope and pray that the Lord continue to guide the Church, and the world, in the name of Jesus Christ, who is himself the unchanging Way, Truth and Life.

I didn’t have as much time to make new Easter decorations as I wanted (I’m still in the middle of an embroidered cross and flowers piece I had hoped to finish by Easter), but I did what I could: egg decorating, candies, basket and cake!

DIY-Easter

  1. Shaving Cream Dyed Eggs. I wanted to try a new egg dying technique, and didn’t have much of a choice – egg dying kits haven’t been imported into Iraq yet…  So I tried a method I’d heard of from some friends: spread out some shaving cream, swirl in some food coloring, and roll the eggs in the mixture. Let each egg sit for some seconds (I usually waited 30 seconds to be safe, but the colors set really quickly; 5-10 is probably enough). Wash off the shaving cream and, voilà! Enjoy your colored egg. If you have an artistic flourish when adding the food coloring, you can get a distinct marbled effect. I attempted, but there wasn’t a very clear difference between the shades… I’ll probably repeat this next year to fine tune the mixing of colors for different swirled effects…
  2. Easter candy! I know Easter is all about the Resurrection, but celebrating it without candy just wouldn’t be the same! The platters had peanut butter eggs, “birds’ nests”  and chocolates filled with caramel and hazelnut crème (Nutella).
  • The recipe I usually use for peanut butter cups or bars is a little too crumbly for molding the filling into eggs, so I tried this recipe from Brown Eyed Baker, with great results.
  • There are many “birds’ nest” recipes floating around. Most use either chocolate and hard Chinese noodles, or chocolate and coconut. I use chocolate and coconut as the base, but add nuts and raisins to the mixture as well for added flavor. Melt the chocolate, mix everything in, place spoonfuls of it on to foil or wax paper and stick jellybeans or other small candies in the center, and you’re done!
  • I didn’t have chocolate molds for the filled chocolates, so I used mini cup cake liners. One layer of chocolate, coating the bottom and sides, followed by a dab of filling and a top of chocolate is all it takes.
  • It was my first try at making caramel filling from scratch. The first batch turned into tasteless nothingness, but a second try with a different recipe tasted delicious. I’ll definitely be making it again in the future, not just for chocolates, but also ice cream, pancakes and apple crisps!
  1. Easter baskets. I didn’t have time to make crocheted or woven Easter baskets, so I threw together paper ones at the last minute. I just used a basic paper box pattern to make a rectangle base, and cut the back of the basket taller than the front. I glued two baskets back-to-back to form a larger basket with two sections for different types of chocolate eggs (Iraq doesn’t have a special selection of candy for Easter, but it does carry some good chocolates that almost look like Easter eggs…). I liked the look of the paper baskets, but the sides drooped after I put filled them with eggs, so I’ll probably look for something else next year…
  2. Easter cake – I was trying to make it look like a bird’s nest, but the top of the cake was too rounded for me to build the frosting up for the sides of the nest. I should have hollowed out the center of the top layer, but didn’t think of it until it was too late. It tasted great, though! I found this frosting recipe a few months ago, and it has become our family favorite – smooth, creamy, flavorful, but and not as heavy or sweet as frostings that have powdered sugar as their base. Who would have thought that flour was the secret?

After a lot of work, with a few failures, but mostly successes, we had a nice spread of treats to bring in the Easter season. Now I’m blog hopping to see what great ideas other people came up with and start planning for next year!

After a Lent of waiting, preparing, praying and sacrificing, the Mady family Easter season is off to a joyful start!

My mother kindly offered to stay at our place with the sleeping kids so Eddy and I could go to the Easter vigil Mass.  We decided to go to the English Mass – there is only a small English-speaking community here, so the vigil was held in a chapel at the seminary – all of the parishes had Mass at the same time in either Sureth (Aramaic) or Arabic.

Easter Vigil

We went to the park as our Easter activity, and had a great time with a picnic lunch, egg hunt for the kids, kite flying, and time on the playground. It’s the perfect time of year for picnics here – warm, but breezy. We all loved the fresh air and change of scenery, but the best part of the day, for me at least, was seeing the smile on our little ones’ faces as they found their eggs, went down the slide, put their hands in the fountain, got the kite in the air, watched our friend play the flute, or just tore up paper towels (that would have been Paul, our youngest!). They enjoyed every minute of it and arrived home for a piece of Easter cake! Charbel then had an added treat – he went to my parents’ house to play in the kiddie pool for a little while. Paul stayed home for some extra cuddles with mommy and daddy, and a much-needed bath! We took too many pictures to share them all, but here are some of my favorites!

Family pics from around the park:

Family-Pics

Egg Hunt!

Egg-Hunt

Fun on the playground!

Playground

Kite flying!

Kite-Flying

And, because I can’t get enough of their cute faces…

Cute-Faces

Happy Easter to everyone! Keep celebrating for all 50 days of the season!

We began Holy Week with a procession the evening before Palm Sunday. Like in biblical times, the day here is seen as starting the evening beforehand. All important feast days, not just Christmas and New Years, have a vigil. While palms continue to be blessed before Masses on Palm Sunday, the main Palm Sunday procession is held on the vigil of Palm Sunday. Instead of holding the vigil at individual parishes, the Chaldean Catholics gather together for the procession, together with the archbishop. The procession begins with the blessing of the palms and olive branches outside of Mar Elias (Saint Elijah) parish. The bishop then leads the people in prayers and chants as they process through the streets to the Cathedral.

We knew about the procession last year, but were unable to attend. This year we went for the beginning and walked with the procession a short way. We had to leave early – there had been a dust storm earlier during the day, so the air was still pretty dusty, and the two kids were exhausted. They were great sports, but had already been out most of the day and were ready to be snuggled in their beds. My husband was picking someone up from the airport at the time of the procession, so the kids and I went with my parents and a friend. We stayed toward the back of the crowd because we had a stroller for Paul and small bike for Charbel to ride. This prevented me from getting good close up pictures of anything other than my two darling children. I did, however, get some shots of the procession from the side and rear. While the tradition is no longer followed by everyone, many of the people were dressed in black, symbolizing the connection between Palm Sunday and the Passion.

Procession

Palm Sunday Procession

One thing I appreciate about the Eastern Catholic rites (such as the Chaldean and Maronite rites) is the sense of community they have preserved. Yes, faith is something personal, but at the same time, it is communal. The Lord himself founded the Church in a communal setting, with the Apostles. When he taught them how we should pray, he did not call upon “my Father”, but “Our Father.” He proceeded to solidify the communion of the Church through the sacramental nature of Church, particularly with the sacraments of initiation – baptism, the Eucharist, and confirmation. The very word “communion,” which means sharing something in common, implies the importance of the community of faith. Communion is a Latin translation of the Greek word koinonia, which specifically refers to a communion that stems from intimate participation. In this way, the word completely joins the individual with the communal; one must “intimately participate”, thus involving their entire selves in the community. The writers of scripture used this particular word – koinonia – to refer to both the Church, the community begun by Christ, and the Eucharist. This establishes, from the very beginning of Christianity, an unbreakable link between the individual, the Church, and the Eucharist. The Church is the communion begun by Christ, beginning first with the apostles, and growing to include all baptized members. This Church cannot exist outside of the Eucharist, or sacrament of communion, referred to as the “source and summit of Christian life” in Lumen Gentium. Neither Church nor Eucharistic communion can exist without each individual bringing himself to intimately participate in a communion.

The Christians here in the Middle East, perhaps without recognizing it, have preserved this sense of bringing themselves to the community. They recognize that they are, in a large part, defined by the Christian community they belong to, and they recognize that their participation and presence as individuals is essential to the community; there would be no community if the individuals did not bring themselves.

I think that we have somewhat lost this balance in the west. We focus a lot on our personal beliefs, our personal faith, our personal conscience, but sometimes lose sight of the importance of a communal, or societal, conscience and faith. A nebulous sense of tolerance can lead to the breakdown of society because a society, by definition, must be a community, and a community must be a unifying entity that receives life from its members and gives life to its members. I honestly believe that many societies in the western world are growing so fragmented, supporting so many conflicting viewpoints that they are in danger of either completely losing that unifying element or redefining it in strictly socioeconomic or political terms. We can learn much from the members of the Eastern “lung” of our Church, as John Paul II referred to the Eastern Catholic rites. They set an example as people that are still willing to sacrifice their own desires, sometimes strong desires, to uphold the values and identity of their community, not because they lack individuality, but because they recognize the importance of protecting their community which, in turn, protects their individuality.

The Chaldean Catholics identify themselves as Christians. They have different groups and parishes, different jobs and ambitions. But whenever an important feast day comes along, they come together from their different places. They are not just “this or that parish” or “this family”. They are “Church”. Centuries and, in the case of Iraq, millenniums of persecution aimed specifically at the Christians have not been able to destroy this community, because the people realize that their strength lies in community, specifically, in the Church. As I visibly witness the unshakable bond between the identity of the individual and the identity of the whole in this people, it strikes a chord in my heart, and reminds me of Christ’s promise that the gates of hell will not prevail against his Church. These people have been to the gates of hell and back, and despite very real suffering and persecutions, the Church continues, because God founded the Church as koinonia – a communion that requires intimate participation of the individual.

These people, the direct descendants of the early Christians and, even before that, of Abraham, are still closely connected to their ancestry and ancestral traditions; they still innately possess the understanding of community that existed in Jesus’ time, and they are a witness to it. When the individual is weak and afraid, they find refuge in the community (Church), which holds them up. When the Church is weak, suffering and persecuted, the individuals, such as the current generations of priests, bishops and laity working so hard preserve Christianity in its homeland, hold up the Church.

Wishing everyone a blessed Holy Week…

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“I’m participating in the Keeping LOVE in LENT Blog Link-Up 2013, hosted by Raising (& Teaching) Little Saints, Truly Rich Mom and Arma Dei: Equipping Catholic Families. We’ll be sharing different ways, tips, stories and real-life experiences that will help us focus on Lenten sacrifices, prayer and good deeds, and how to carry them out with LOVE instead of a GRUMBLE. Please scroll down to the end of the post to see the list of link-up entries.”

It’s easy to equate Lent with what we do during these six weeks – fasting, abstinence, extra prayer, giving something up… All of these things are good, but I don’t think they are the essence of Lent. After all, we could drag our way through six weeks, grudgingly offering up this or that, without arriving at Easter refreshed and renewed in our faith. While what we do is important, I believe that the “how” of Lent is more important than the “what” of Lent. Lent has a strong baptismal character. It is a time we have to reflect, to prepare for the celebration of the Lord’s Passion, Death and Resurrection, but also a time to repent of our own sins and renew our own conversion, as we prepare to renew our baptismal promises on Easter. Lent is a choice – a choice to follow Jesus more closely, a choice to leave behind a life of sin, a choice to embrace a life of grace. This is a choice we face constantly throughout our life, but Lent gives us the opportunity to renew it and focus on it more closely. It is a time to remember that conversion is not one moment, but an ongoing state of life as we journey through this life in hopes of living happily with our savior in the next life. Choosing to be a Christian is a big choice, but it is really the sum of little choices that we make everyday.

Following is a story I heard on a retreat a few years ago. It inspired me and made me think about how each choice I make every day influences who I am, and the “big” choice I make of being a Christian.

Life’s Choice

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!”

He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Michael replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or .. you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or…I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or… I can point out the positive side of life, choose the positive side of life.

 ”Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested.

“Yes, it is,” Michael said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live your life.”

 I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of! intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

“The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter,” Michael replied. “Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or… I could choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.

Michael continued, “…the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read “he’s a dead man. I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Michael. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. “Yes, I replied.” The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, “Gravity.” Over their laughter, I told them, “I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.”

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

In Lent, we face the same choice Michael faced after his accident. Lent reminds us of our sinfulness, our wounded nature and our weakness. But, it also reminds us that we are not defined by our weakness, but by the love and strength of God. On our own, we are wounded, but because of God, we are offered new life. Every Lent, we have a new opportunity to say, “I choose to live.” Every time we offer something up, every time we fast or abstain, or do a good deed, we are choosing to Live. What we do for Lent can change, but how we live Lent should always be the same – freely choosing to renew our conversion, freely choosing to separate from bad habits or sin, freely choosing to love… freely choosing to live.

Wishing all of you a blessed and heartfelt Lent!

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Check out the Lent reflections participating in the Keep LOVE in LENT Blog Link-Up 2013! We’ll be sharing different ways, tips, stories and real-life experiences that will help us focus on Lenten sacrifices, prayer and good deeds, and how to carry them out with LOVE instead of a GRUMBLE.

Discover new Catholic Blogs to follow!

Equipping CatholicFamilies: Keep LOVE in LENT

Call Her Happy:40 Simple Lenten Activities for Kids

Lenten Love: Little Acts of Love

Building Rocks(pending)

Grow the Roses: Keep Love in Lent

Family At The Foot Of The Cross: Loving Service

Catholic Homeschooling Joy: A Lenten Activity

JOY:Keep the Love in Lent

Twenty Tuesday Afternoons: Tuesday # 11: Pancake Tuesday / Keeping Love in Lent

Campfires and Cleats: Why a Failing Lent Really Isn’t

Harrington Harmonies: Make a Lenten Holy Hour

A Mommy of Three:Good Deeds for Lent

Loving the Semi Country Life: Lent:special time to reflect and keep the love in lent

Written By the Finger of God: A 7 Step Lenten Plan

Mommy Bares All: Giving Up and Making Space for Love this Lent

The Irish Lassie Shop: Seek God Everywhere

Hand-Maid with Love: Living Lent, Loving Lent

Words On Heaven: IN THE DESERT FOR 40 DAYS

On The Way Home: Keeping LOVE in Lent

Homeschooling with Joy: Keep Love in Lent

Mountain Grace: Keep Love in Lent

Eyes On Heaven: I am Choosing to Live

Joy Alive in Our Hearts:”God’s Love at Work”

Life of Fortunate Chances: Love is Fun: Keeping Love in Lent

Fifth of Five: Keep the LOVE in Lent

I Blog Jesus: for Praying our Loud!

Overflow: Loving Lent with Little Ones

This Cross I Embrace: Keep LOVE In Lent

Sole Searching Mamma: 15 Ways to Experience a More Meaningful Lent

Catholic All Year: My Biggest Lent Fails and How I Learned Mortification…

Four Little Ones: Keeping Love in Lent

Gaels Crafty Treasures Keeping Love in Lent

Bear Wrongs Patiently: Lent for the Scrupulous

Rosary Mom: Keeping Love in Lent

LoveLetters 7.10: Teacups {Keeping the Love in Lent}

Little Saints in the Making: Keep Love in Lent

Blessed with Full Hands: Keeping love in Lent- Praise Him

Normal Chaos: Our Own Personalized Lenten Journey

These Little Blessings: Gifting Love this Lent

The Cajun Catholic: The our Father; a lenten reflection

Truly Rich Mom: Keeping Love in Lent… Even When It Is Difficult

GATHERING GRACES:Keeping LOVE in LENT

SaIsa Pang Sulyap – Fullness Of His Love

LiturgicalTime: Keeping Love in Lent – Finding Balance

Grace Loves Iggy: love in lent

Sacred Oysters: Empty (Keeping LOVE in LENT)

Tercets:Make Heart Rosary Decades to Pray for Others

The Diary of a Sower: Our Lenten Prayer Tree

A Living Garden — Giving for Others with Love: Keeping LOVE in LENT

Homegrown Catholics: Motivated by my childrens’ activities {Lent}

MyBroken Fiat: Keeping Love in Lent… Barely

Journey to Wisdom: Keeping Love in Lent: Bands of Love

Softening My Heart: An Anniversary Lesson duringLent

After the public release of previously secret files regarding accusations of sexual abuse directed at 122 priests of the Catholic Church, Archbishop Jose Gomez announced on Thursday, January 31, 2013, that Cardinal Roger M. Mahony would be removed from all public duties. This is only one of many press releases from the past year concerning the issue of sexual abuse scandals that have rocked the Catholic Church during the past decades.

I know many people who, in solidarity with those that have been abused, and to emphasize the grave evil of sexual abuse, have removed themselves from the Church. I respect their freedom of conscience and trust that their actions have been guided by a sincere search for truth. I, however, have chosen to stay within the Church, in spite of the grave scandals it has been in.

I am still Catholic, in spite of these scandals, for several reasons:

  1. I do not believe that leaving the Church in anyway solves the problem. Sexual abuse is not a Catholic problem, nor a clergy problem; it is a human problem. Sexual scandals are not unique to the Church; statistics actually show that, compared to any other group, there have been a statistically low number of priests that have sexually abused children. I do not mention this to imply that this lessens the gravity of the sexual abuse scandals within the Church: it doesn’t. In fact, I believe that sexual abuse committed by clergy who have purportedly dedicated their entire life to purity, and represent a Church that stands for the dignity and rights of each individual, is more tragic than the same offense committed by someone that doesn’t know how wrong it is, or doesn’t represent an institution whose very identity is in direct opposition with the act in question. I bring the statistical comparison up, however, to show that the problem we are dealing with is in no way a “Catholic” problem. If a person leaves the Church, where does he go? Does he join another denomination? Then he has associated himself with another group that also struggles with ministers and clergymen that have sexually abused minors, even if the media hasn’t been as outspoken about it. Does he join a different religion altogether? Still, if he looks around, he will find the issue of sexual abuse. Unfortunately, the issue of sexual abuse is not one that can be linked to a particular group and thus gotten rid of by separating from the group. Sexual abuse is a result of man’s tendency to sin. It is the result of man’s freedom and ability to abuse his freedom. While finding out about sexual abuse within the Catholic Church seems even more enraging because of what the Church claims to stand for, we need to remember that everyone within the Church, including priests and bishops, are men and, as such, have the ability to abuse their freedom and have the tendency to sin. This is not unique to the Church; it is a human problem.
  2. Jesus chose to entrust the care of his Church to men. He chose to give men, in spite of our imperfect nature, an essential role in his Church. Man’s sinfulness, even within the Church, is not a surprise to the Lord. He chose 12 disciples, knowing already that one would betray him. He didn’t prevent Judas from betraying him. When Judas betrayed Jesus, the other eleven disciples didn’t react by abandoning ship; they remained faithful to the Lord and continued forward. I believe we need to do the same.
  3. It’s hard to draw a line between when a priest represents the Church and when he doesn’t, but I think it’s essential to draw this line. A priest does represent the Lord. When the priest hears our sins in a confessional, he does so in the name of Jesus. When he consecrates the host, he is doing so in persona Christi. Because of this close connection, we are used to associating everything a priest says or does with the Church and, indirectly, with God. As a result, when we find out that a priest has betrayed us by behaving immorally, we blame the Church and possibly go so far as feeling betrayed by God. However, this is not actually the case. The priest does not represent God or the Church in everything he does. God is perfect love. A priest tries to give his life over for the sake of transmitting God’s perfect love. When he administers the sacraments, prayers, and helps people, he succeeds, and all the good that comes from him comes from the source of all goodness, God. However, the priest does not lose his human nature by assuming the collar; his ability to sin and abuse his freedom continue. We thus have the grace of God working through a weak, sinful nature. When a priest sins, sexually abusing a minor, for example, the source of the sin is not the Church, nor is it God; it is the priest’s human weakness. The Church has not betrayed us. God has not betrayed us. A man has, unfortunately, given in to  his tendency to sin. This in itself is a tragedy, but it is an even greater tragedy to attribute the failure of an individual to the entire Church or to God. Any priest that commits an immoral act, such as sexually abusing a child, has acted directly against the teachings of the Church and of God, and therefore cannot be said to represent either with regards to his act.
  4. The Church is made up of individuals, but not defined by them. It is the sacrament of salvation, and continues to be so even when individuals within the Church commit grave errors. The Church exists to offer salvation to all men, including those within it that sin. Men have an important role in the Church, but they cannot destroy it any more than they could create it. It also helps to remember that the validity of the sacraments do not depend on the holiness of the clergy. All clergy, by virtue of what they represent, should strive to maintain the highest possible level of holiness, but their level of personal holiness does not affect the sacraments. We do not receive more graces from a sacrament when we receive it from a holy priest or bishop than when we receive it from a less holy priest or bishop because the grace of the sacrament does not depend on the minister of the sacrament, but on the sacrament itself and the state of soul of the one that receives the sacrament. I believe that the sacraments – all seven of them – are essential for salvation. I therefore prefer to stay in the Church and receive the sacraments. I hope and pray that all priests and bishops avoid temptation and live in a state of holiness, but I am confident that, even were I to receive a sacrament from a priest that has committed a grave sin, the sacrament would still be valid. That being said, I do believe that it is the Church’s duty to protect its own purity by not allowing priests to continue representing the Church if they are discovered to be living a lifestyle in direct conflict with the Church’s teachings. I believe, however that the Church does try to do this and is putting more systems in place in response to the many abuse scandals in the past decades.
  5. The Lord promised to be with his Church until the end of time. I believe that the Lord keeps his promises, and I therefore believe that he will not abandon his Church, even when it is suffering from betrayal from within. I will remain inside the Church in spite of the scandals, because the Lord always remains with his Church and I want to remain as close to the Lord as possible. I affirm my Catholic faith and remain in the Church not because I agree with or support the scandals that occur within it, but because I support what the Church stands for – salvation, and I support the foundation the Church stands on – the foundation of our Lord, crucified and risen.

Scandal has rocked the Church in the past and, although I wish it could be otherwise, I am sure that scandal will rock the Church again. This in no way lessens the pain caused by current scandals, nor the gravity of the sins in question. It does, however, show that the Church will persevere. It withstood the scandals of the past and learned from them. It is withstanding and learning from its present scandals as well, and is trying to put in place systems that will prevent such scandals from being repeated. The Church cannot, however, do away with sin; nor can it do away with man’s freedom. The goal, therefore, cannot be to have a perfect Church, for an institution full of imperfect people can never be perfect. The goal, rather, should be for the Church as a whole, as well as each of us individually, when faced with wrongs we have committed, to learn from them and continue begging for salvation. The Catholic Church looks back to Peter, not Judas, as its first leader. Both betrayed the Lord. Judas, when he realized the extent of his betrayal, despaired, and destroyed himself. When Peter realized that he had denied his Lord and Savior, ran toward the Lord, learned from his mistake and strengthened his brethren. He became an example for all, not because he was perfect, nor because he would be perfect in the future, but because he didn’t despair of his imperfection. He clung to his Lord through his imperfection and was willing to keep serving his Lord in spite of his personal failings. And because of this, Peter the Sinner became Peter the Saint, and inspired many others to do the same. The Church, under the guidance of the Vicar of Christ, the successor of Peter should follow in the footsteps of the first pontiff, recognizing sin and betrayal within the Church, feeling remorse and making reparation for it, learning from it and rising above it to continue serving the Lord. I, as an individual, hope to follow in those same footsteps, rising again when I fall, strengthening others and continuing on my journey toward the Lord.

Mom Juggling

Recently I saw a comment regarding stay-at-home moms, suggesting that it would be in their best interest to have some sort of profession. The comment doesn’t pertain to me directly, as I happen to be a working mom. I am very happy with my situation – both my husband and I work at the moment, but we are able to bring both babies to the school with us, so they can still be with us.

However, for the record, I would like to defend all the stay-at-home moms that dedicate years of their lives solely to the care of their children. All moms, including stay-at-home moms, DO have a profession. In fact, they have many professions.

Mothers are cooks and bakers: they constantly fill their homes with the aromas of dishes or desserts made just the way their little ones like them.

Mothers are interior decorators: they transform a house into a home full of color, life and memories. More importantly, they transform the minds, hearts and souls of their little ones.

Mothers are photographers: they capture the most beautiful faces and precious moments. If you don’t believe this, take a look at Facebook or Instagram to see how many pictures moms take of their kids.

Mothers are doctors: Their touch and smile alone can cure many ailments, and when they aren’t nursing a sick child back to health, they can always operate on the tiny shirt that’s missing a button, or the teddy bear that’s falling apart.

Mothers are event planners: From birthdays and baptisms, to holidays, to the ordinary day that needs to be made extraordinary, families always need some event or other, and moms make sure they happen!

Mothers are lawyers: they are always ready to defend a little one that has been unjustly accused.

Mothers are judges: in the final analysis, mothers know best whether a little one is “guilty” or not, and the best way to help them learn from their mistakes and move forward.

Mothers are teachers: they spend every moment of every day teaching their children something about life, love and happiness.

And the list goes on…  I do not believe mothers sacrifice a career when they have a child. On the contrary, by embracing motherhood, they choose the best of each career. Regardless of whether or not a mother has a job as well, her greatest contribution to society will always take place behind closed doors, as she wipes tears off little faces, satisfies little stomachs, educates little minds and teaches little hearts to love.

I feel no sorrow for a mother who gives up a “career” to stay home with her children, for by embracing motherhood, they don’t really sacrifice a career, but choose the best of each. I do, however, feel great sorrow for the many women who give up motherhood for the sake of a career, for no matter how far they go, they will never experience wiping tears off little faces, satisfying little stomachs, educating little minds and teaching little hearts to love. It may happen behind closed doors and it might be less prestigious than giving a dissertation or having a title before one’s name, but, in the end, it is the mother who makes the greatest contribution to society.

A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take. (Cardinal Mermillod)

Right after my husband and I got married, we spent a lot of time together. We had every evening and all weekend long to do nothing but be together – cook, play games, watch movies, visit family and friends, or go to beautiful places in the country that we enjoyed seeing over and over again. Needless to say, after we had our first child, things changed. Now, we’ve been married for almost three years (third anniversary coming up next month!), and we have two little boys, one almost two, the other almost one. When Baby #1 entered our lives, all the time we had to be together was replaced with changing diapers, doing extra laundry, feeding the baby, playing with the baby, cleaning up after the baby, teaching the baby… and trying to catch a few winks of sleep in between.  With Baby #2, things went from busy to busier. While we absolutely love being parents and spending time with our kids, Eddy and I missed the time we used to have together, so we began finding ways to stay close in our new stage of married life as parents. Even though we have less time to be together, I appreciate the things we do to keep our love fresh even more because of how special those moments are…

These are some of the things we do that I think could be manageable for most couples, even after having kids:

  1. Redefine success. While I love being a mother, it’s hard, at least for me, to give up the level of productivity I had prior to having kids. Once babies came around, it became impossible to keep my own standards regarding the amount of work, housework, and hobby time I used to have. Once the kids go to bed, there’s always the temptation to run around like a madman to get everything done – folding laundry, washing dishes, working on the computer, finishing DIY or craft projects… the list is endless. My husband also has plenty of interests and found himself having to adjust his schedule and the amount of time he could dedicate in order to spend time with the kids as well. We both had to change our understanding of success from what how much we accomplish to our relationships. Now, success means keeping a balance – getting what we need to done, but also prioritizing BEING together.  Don’t get me wrong – things do need to get done, and procrastinating isn’t a solution, but prioritizing is, and sometimes spending time with my husband (or kids) is more important than a DIY project or making a fancy meal. Things can often wait when people can’t. Taking at least a little time to talk or just be with your spouse can go a long way in showing that no matter what happens and how busy you get, your relationship with each other, which is the very foundation of your family, is still important. Also, keeping channels of communication open and regularly sharing with each other each day can help prevent misunderstandings or gradual distancing in the relationship.
  2. “Date nights” at home. We don’t have time to go out together without the kids often, but date nights at home after the kids are in bed are always a possibility.  We set aside an evening to watch a movie together, have a romantic candle light dinner at our own dining room table after the kids are asleep, play games or just talk.
  3. Never let the day pass by without saying “I love you,” and try to find creative ways to say “I love you” (a couple of weeks ago, I came home to be surprised by a bouquet of roses and “love punch” pillow Eddy bought me – gestures like that can really go far helping a spouse feel loved and appreciated in the middle of a busy life). Always say “I love you” before leaving, and if you’re apart for longer than an hour or two, send a quick text or make a quick call to show that you’re thinking of the other person while apart. Even if you’re in the middle of feeding a baby in a high chair or at work, take the time to send or say a few words that mean a lot.
  4. Cuddling. People have different ways of showing their affection and different ways of feeling loved. My husband and I (and, incidentally, both of our kids) are cuddlers.  In addition to talking, we love just spending time together on the couch or in a big arm chair. Physical presence can make a big difference – hugging and feeling your spouse next to you can bring a sense of security, strength and rest, and doesn’t take more than a few minutes a day.
  5. Do chores together. When the laundry, dishes or errands really DO have to get done, we’ve found that doing them together is one way to keep the household running and strengthen our relationship. Sometimes my husband comes into the kitchen to help me make lunch or bake, or we go with each other on errands that normally only one of us would do. This gives us time to be together and talk while still getting necessary tasks done. It also requires one of us to sacrifice something else we would be doing, but that’s part of why it strengthens our union – we prioritize helping each other.
  6. Play with the kids together. This really has more to do with family time, but playing with the kids together is another great way we have found to strengthen not only our relationship with our kids, but our love for each other as well. Often, when one of us starts playing with the kids, it’s an opportunity for the other to “get something done.” Even though playing with the kids doesn’t usually require both of us, it’s very special when we’re all together. The kids love it, and we love sharing the excitement of watching them grow, sharing our pride in them, and sharing our desire to help them learn, explore and enjoy whatever they are doing. We always share with each other things that happen when one or the other of us is with the kids, but there is a special sense of joy and togetherness that only happens when we are both watching them or playing with them at the same time. This also gives rise to good parenting discussions afterwards regarding how they are growing and learning, and different ideas we want to start, stop, adjust, etc.
  7. Never go to bed without saying goodnight, and never go to bed angry. If we’ve had a disagreement, we try to sort it out the same day so we leave it behind us and wake up the next day closer, stronger, and on the same page, even if it required a compromise and isn’t exactly what one of us wanted. We’re both on the stubborn side, but we’ve learned that it’s more important to be united and support a decision we make together than to simply get our own way… After all, just by being different people, we both had to give up at least some of our own way as individuals the day we got married, in order to come together as a couple.
  8. FIND the time. If we know we are going to have a busy day, spread out in different directions, we put out extra effort to make sure we still get at least a little time on our own, even if it means waking up earlier or going to bed later than otherwise. In the end, we often rest more by being together than we do by getting an extra half hour of sleep.
  9. Both of us are Catholics and proud of it. As Christians, we believe that prayer is important. It strengthens us and keeps us connected to God, just as talking with each other strengthens us and keeps us connected to each other. Our schedules are sometimes hectic – sometimes we have more time and sometimes less, so we don’t always have the time to pray together as much as we would like, but we do try to find time when we can to pray together, because we realize that having a successful marriage and family requires our effort, but depends on God even more than it does on us. We pray together asking him to strengthen us in our marriage, to bless our children and to guide our family, now and in the future.

These are just some of the things we try to do to keep our love for each other fresh. After three years and two kids, I find myself in the middle of a busy, fulfilling and challenging family life, and am ever more grateful for the man I have at my side and the two best sons a mother could ask for; I am looking forward to the years to come, and hope that we always find time for the little things that help us keep strengthening and growing in our love for each other day by day.

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.”

Matthew 19:5-6

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